Loss Hurts

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There is something about loss that I finally realized today….it never gets any easier to accept. 

As I pulled open the door to Erbert and Gerbert’s, I stepped in and ordered my sandwich.  I looked around at the world, racing by in its usual way.

 And suddenly, just as though I was in some sad movie, I heard the music playing in the background and the woman said, “Here’s your sandwich, Kathy,” and I began to cry. 

I quickly got into my car and took in a deep breath.  I needed fresh air and some sunshine, as I pushed the button on the sunroof and took in a deep breath.

 A few moments earlier, I had looked up to see dear Grandpa Gene’s daughter and granddaughter.  They felt like I did today….a blurred brain was how I described it. 

And I closed my eyes and remembered  a few, short nights ago.  Gene and Mary’s children sat with Mary in a circle, as we prayed for Gene.  It was up to God.  We knew that.  The future was up to a loving God, who knew the days of Gene’s life, and knew if the book was ending right then, right there. 

As Pastor Phil walked in and said, “He’s already gone,” I took a deep breath and threw myself into the side of Phil’s jacket, holding back the shock and biting my lip. 

I held Kathleen’s hand as we walked in to find our dear Mary.  We would try to be strong, for whoever would need us. 

Days have passed.  A reviewal has come and gone.  A funeral has been delivered.  And yet, life is still going on.  People are still working, eating, sleeping, chatting, laughing, and living. 

But for me today, life stopped for a moment in the middle of Erbert and Gerbert’s, as  some song played in the background, as First Baptist stood in the distance, and as the faces of Gene’s family walked into Walmart.  

Loss is something that can’t be rushed through.  It’s a journey that has to be walked down slowly and steadily….at your own pace. 

And as I remember this wonderful, Godly man, Gene Anderstrom, I take a moment and look over my shoulder to the past six years.  How thankful I am for the phone calls telling me to get on the road and get home before the blizzard comes, or the thank you for the worship that he loved that morning, or the invite to the Easter, Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner, or the check in on how Deano’s crops were coming along.  I am thankful for the laughter and the discussions, for the hugs and the tears, for the days that he sat at my dining room table and told Mary that she should get my recipe for lemon coconut pie, and the days he sipped his coffee while we celebrated Jenessa’s graduation or Jonah’s 2nd birthday.

So for today….  And more than anything, I am so thankful that Gene was in my life….in our lives.

Loss can only hurt as much as it does….when something of great value is gone. 

It hurts.

  1. Kathleen Sogge04-03-12

    I sit here sharing in your loss of our dear friend Gene and thinking of our sweet kind “Grandma Mary”(his wife/our friends)and feel so grateful to have had them in our lives!!! Their love and prayers to us personally and for Best Life came at such an important time.My words can’t say how much we will miss Gene and how our prayers,love, and thoughts are with “Grandma Mary”. I’m so sorry.We love you!!!

  2. Laura Bloomberg03-15-12

    So beautifully spoken, thank you